Here is Gone
by Lavender Gaia
Summary: After ruining Christmas Eve in Jump City, Robin starts to wonder what it would be like if he had never been born...RobStar
1. Calling All Angels

Author's Notes: Merry Christmas all! I wrote this fic in response to the contest at the totally kick ass Teen Titans Forum (http/ xsorbit29. com/ users5/ teentitansforum/ index.php)...

I also warn you now that this is definitely angsty, probably more than you'd expect during this lovely holiday season. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or any other recognizable characters in this chapter. They are all property of DC Comics.

* * *

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. All he had wanted was to help them. That's all he'd ever wanted. But, as usual, he had messed up again. Robin closed his eyes as he sank to the hard stone ground of the cliff, head buried in his hands. 

He should have known that there would be something major on Christmas Eve. There always had been and nothing was different about this year. As the Titans got simultaneous calls, Robin had thought it best at the time to split up the team. He sent Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven to a bank robbery on the other side of town while he and Starfire investigated a disturbance in town center.

Upon arriving, the duo learned that a bomber was threatening the square, armed with enough TNT to blow up the entire holiday display. Even worse, there was a large group of orphans visiting Santa and having a party, which Wayne Enterprises sponsored every year.

"What are his demands?" Robin questioned the police chief when he and Starfire arrived on the scene. Other officers were trying to maintain crowd control.

The man glared in the direction of the antagonist, who had the ammunition strapped to his chest. "He wants three million dollars delivered to him by Santa Claus."

Robin shook his head in disgust, grabbing a megaphone from a nearby cop. "I'll give it right back." Turning towards the growing crowd he ordered, "I know that you're all worried, but we have the situation under control. I'm going to have to ask everyone with a cell phone to leave. Any use of the device could trigger the bomb. Thank you."

As most of the throng departed, Starfire put a hand on Robin's shoulder. "Should we attack?"

"No!" From behind his mask, blue eyes narrowed at the bomber. "We need to go about this carefully." Maybe it was the idea of orphans in danger; perhaps he took it personally. "I'm getting in there."

As he hopped over the police car barricade, Batman's former partner inched forward. Once he realized that a certain alien was behind him, he stopped. "Starfire, I want you to stay here."

She blinked in surprise. "But, Robin…"

"Please, Star," he pleaded softly. She visibly gave in, and he continued towards where the bomber was.

"Well," the man smirked. "Even the big bad Teen Titans are here. What are you gonna do, _Robin_?"

He put up his gloved hands in a signal for peace. "Listen, you know you don't want to do this. What's the point in killing some innocent children?" The steel-toed boots took another step forward.

"Of course I want to!" The bomber screamed psychotically. "Wayne Enterprises is going to rue the day they fired Zachary Taylor! And Emily, oh, she's gonna be sorry she broke up with me! That god damned bitch!"

Robin held back a groan. _Way to go, Bruce._ He attempted to move closer. "This isn't proving anything to them. All you're doing it hurting yourself and innocent others."

A shaky hand fingered the trigger. "Stay back!"

He scuttled back a few steps. "Come on, this won't solve anything. Just calm down. Everyone has bad days, but there are people who want to help you." Taylor seemed to relax slightly. "I speak from experience that Wayne Enterprises can be a bitch sometime. So take your talents and go elsewhere, prove to them that they were wrong to get rid of you! I hear Queen Industries is looking for some new faces with fresh ideas."

Taylor seemed to like that idea. "Yeah! I'll show them! I'll put Queen on the map!"

Robin took a few more steps back so that it wouldn't seem threatening when he brandished his mini-torch. "All you have to do is let me help you take that bomb off."

The man hesitated for a second before completely letting go of the trigger, hands dropping to fall at his side. "…ok…"

There was a sigh of relief throughout the area. That is, until Starfire shouted, "Robin, look!" He glanced to the side where the others were speeding towards them in the T-Car.

"Star, get them back!" He ordered, seeing her fly towards them as a bright red flash.

"What are they doing?" Taylor demanded, paranoia settling in.

"Nothing," Robin promised. "They won't come anywhere near here. Let's just get that bomb off you." He stopped for a minute, then continued towards Robin as the young superhero heard a familiar ringing on his suit; someone was calling him.

Robin hadn't known that using the communicator could set off a bomb. Maybe he should have.

Flying backwards from the force of the blast, he slammed into one of the buildings he had been standing at least a couple hundred feet in front of him. A scream ripped from his throat as his skull was buried in the concrete of the structure until he slid down to land on his hands and knees on the sidewalk below. Over and over, he reminded himself that he'd taken worse, even after gingerly touching the back of his head. His glove showed a heavy amount of blood and the scene before him swam in front of his eyes.

Robin struggled to his feet, fighting a wave of nausea. Despite the pain coursing through his body, he stumbled forward. "I…I have to help…" Though he wasn't sure whom he was talking to, someone answered.

"You've done enough!" From what he could see with his blurred vision, it was one of the on-duty officers. The bulky man pushed past him, knocking shoulders in a way that made Robin lose his balance and fall again.

He told himself that he just wanted to move away to get some fresh air and clear his head, but as the first bird-a-rang propelled him out of the area, he didn't stop. By the time he was almost too dizzy to breath he was by the waters, a shallow cliff overlooking the sharp rocks below. Despite warnings of erosion, he remembered it as a popular picnic or make-out spot for local teenagers.

No one was there tonight and that suited him just fine. Robin wanted no one watching his shame. "Again…I messed up again!" he groaned, unable to move from the position of his hands and knees. "Dammit! I'm…I'm not good enough for this! Just like he said…All those kids…I couldn't even protect the tears."

Several tears leaked from under his mask, dripping onto the stone beneath him as he pounded it in frustration. "He was right. I don't deserve to be Robin. I don't deserve to be here! Maybe…Maybe I should have never been born…" Again he punched the rock, as if it would release the tension from his body.

A release of tension there was, but not his. There was a cracking and suddenly he was falling. In all his desperation and wooziness, Robin couldn't remember where his grappling hook was. Or maybe he just didn't care. He continued to fall, consciously realizing that he was going to die the same way as his parents.

A strong hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back on to the ridge. When another moment of nausea passed, he opened his eyes, expecting to see Starfire or one of the other Titans.

Instead, the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen greeted him. "Are you alright?" a soft voice asked.

"I'm ok," he lied, but couldn't bring himself to thank her. She continued to kneel in front of him, those gorgeous eyes filled with concern. The moon silhouetted her form, causing what seemed to be stars to sparkle in her long, wavy black hair. As much as he blinked to clear her vision, the mystery did not change, and neither did her confusing outfit. A toga? In the middle of winter? Especially on a night like this, which was surprisingly cold. "Who are you?" There was something distinctly familiar about her, but whenever he felt he knew the result, it pulled away.

"Oh, I'm Donna," she smiled at him and his mind jumped in an almost remembrance of the name. "I'm your guardian angel."

He stopped pondering her familiarity for a second to sigh. "Um…ok." Robin had the decency to look away before rolling his eyes. "Another crazy out on Christmas…No offense, but just because you may have just saved my life doesn't exactly make you my guardian angel."

It looked as if she was holding back a laugh. "Whatever you say."

With a deep breath, Robin tried to get to his feet. "Thank you and all, but I need to get back." His vision went black for a minute and he felt her support him as he fell.

"Dick, don't try to get up, you're hurt!"

His eyes snapped open. "What did you call me?"

She blinked at his reaction. "Dick? Would you prefer Richard?"

"H-How did you know my name?" Had someone leaked out his secret identity?

A giggle escaped her throat. "I'm your guardian angel. That's the least of what I know; that's in your basic stats. Let's see," she recited from memory, "Richard John Grayson. Nicknamed Dick, or Short Pants to a select few. Black hair and blue eyes when he doesn't hide them behind a mask. Son of John and Mary Grayson. Born on the first day of spring, which is why your mother called you her little robin."

He gulped, knowing that his face was pale. "Alright, Miss Guardian Angel, what are you doing here?" Although he still didn't believe her, he didn't want her wandering through the city where she could share this precious information with anyone else.

"Please, just call me Donna," she smiled, though he could tell she knew he didn't believe her. "And I'm here because you said the magic words. 'I wish I had never been born.'"

"I didn't say that."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, you said something like that, and the bosses were bored so any variation works these days. I'm supposed to show you what would happen if you were never born."

A wry smile formed on his face. "What? So you can get your wings?"

"Are you kidding me?" she laughed. "After keeping you alive on these years I have my platinum pair. I'm getting an award later this week."

He couldn't help grinning; there was just something comforting about her. "Well, as good and fine as that may be, I have to be someplace." Robin turned to look, eyes rounding in horror at the sight of smoke over the city.

"Don't you want to see what it would be like?" He heard her whisper. "Everyone does. We can go now."

"Go?" He choked out, turning around to look her straight in the eye. "I'd rather be anywhere but here right now." His hand clasped her outstretched one as she smiled.

"Good. Let's go."

There was a sudden jerk and he felt like he was going to be sick again before his feet were flat on the ground. It was a soft, soil floor beneath him and a sudden smell of manure. The sun was bright and all of the sudden senses made him lose the pathetic lunch he'd eaten at his feet.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Donna apologized. "I forgot about your concussion."

He felt a hand on the back of his head, then a tingling before his head cleared. When he reached back, his hair had settled into it's natural position and there was no wound. She had healed him. "How'd you do that?"

She winked at him. "We angels have a few tricks up our sleeves."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes. "Raven can do that too, but she's no angel." Robin shielded his eyes from the brightness. "It's really hot. Where are we?"

"Don't you remember?" Donna glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

Glancing around, the realization came to him. "It's Florida. We came here every winter…after we finished our traveling. It's…it's exactly the same as it always was." Suddenly his eyes focused on a tall man with black hair walking past.

"Merry Christmas, John!" a few people greeted him and he responded with similar wishes as he continued on his way.

"Oh my god…" Robin realized, a lump growing in his throat. "That's my dad." Without his concussion to worry about, he bounded after the older Grayson. "Dad!"

There was a sudden hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "Dick, he can't hear you. Where we are now, you don't exist. You can only watch." Donna looked pained as he stared at her in desperation. "I'm sorry, those are the rules. I don't make them up."

He looked at her for a moment, then nodded and followed his father into a nearby trailer. "Hi, honey," John Grayson greeted his wife. Robin's heart jumped upon seeing his mother, immediately noting her roundness.

"I'm going to be a big brother!" He grinned, urging to rub his hand against her stomach.

"No, you're not," Donna replied. "You don't exist."

Robin glanced sharply at her, then turned his attention back to his parents. "How was your practice," Mary smiled. "I'm sorry I can't be up there with you."

"Don't be, Mary," John gave her a sweet kiss. "You're a little busy with other things. So how's our little guy today?"

"What makes you think it's a boy?"

He grinned at her in a way that mirrored Robin. "Just kind of hoping. I've always wanted a son."

As John Grayson continued to fuss over his wife, Dick looked at Donna. "How…how are they alive? Didn't Zucko…?"

She shrugged, but her face wasn't nearly as happy as his was. "Circumstances were different."

"So I shouldn't have been born." He wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or bad thing. "It was because of me that my parents died."

"Just keep watching," Donna told him, voice coated in sadness.

He turned just as Mary grabbed her stomach in obvious pain. "Dear, are you ok?" John asked, frantically, helping her sit down.

"It's ok," she held up a hand to stop him, sheen of sweat appearing on her face. "It's just indigestion. I knew I shouldn't have eaten those chili dogs." Her husband didn't seem satisfied. "Really, John."

The aerialist hesitated a moment before nodding. "Well, if you're sure you ok I promised Haly I'd help set up Christmas for the kids. It is tomorrow, you know."

"I know," Mary grinned. "And I know you love those kids."

"I'm just happy I'll have my own soon," he leaned over and kissed her. "I'll be back as soon as possible." Robin strained for one last look as his father ran back out into the bright Florida sunshine.

Then Mary grabbed her stomach, once again doubled over in pain. "Mom!" Robin stared in horror before looking at Donna for answers. "What's wrong with her?"

"This is her fifth pregnancy," the angel explained. "She had a miscarriage with the first four. The baby is in its fifth month, which is good for someone with so many miscarriages."

"Does she look good to you?" Robin demanded, pointing to the woman who had started to breathe heavily. "What's happening to her? What's going to happen?"

Donna looked as if she wanted to cry. "They'll have to do an emergency delivery tonight. Neither she nor the baby will make it."

"Mom…" Robin decided that he didn't want to be Robin anymore, not right now. Just her robin. Slowly removing his mask, he tucked it into his utility belt, blue eyes dark with fear as he watched his mother. "But Dad will still be ok, right?"

"He…" She took a deep breath. "He won't need anyone to cut the ropes for him this time. He'll let go himself." Dick put a hand on the side of the trailer to steady his weakening knees as she continued. "All they ever wanted was a child so they could be a real family. Even when they knew all the dangers, they kept trying. At least with you they had those years to be the best parents they could be."

Dick stood there, not sure what to think. "I…I don't want to be here anymore. You're the angel, make it go away."

Donna held out her hand to him and he knew what he had to do. With one last look at Mary, he whispered, "I love you, Mom." Taking the outstretched hand, there was another jerk from beneath his feet and his mother's pain faded away.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, Dick knew where he was. "Gotham…it never changes, does it?" He wasn't really asking Donna, so she didn't answer. He found himself faced with a place he had called home for several years: Wayne Manor. Dick recalled how he first felt when he came as a child and for some reason thought the mansion looked just as scary today. 

He looked at Donna, addressing her. "I don't want to see him."

"You shouldn't worry. He can't hurt you." While this would have been condescending and patronizing from most people, she spoke the truth, targeting his fear at the simplest level. There was no protest as she led him into the house, phasing through the solid material as if it wasn't there. Or as if they weren't.

Dick drank in all the sights, recalling what was new and what was there as it always would be. "There…there are no Christmas decorations." Though he remembered Alfred coating the inside with festivities, none were in sight. Not even a Christmas tree, which he had helped deck each year. He'd always try to make it perfect. Bruce liked perfect.

Donna continued down to the Bat Cave, where Bruce expectantly was. This was not the man Dick remembered though. While he should be a still youthful looking in his late twenties, the billionaire before him looked to be in his forties. His cheeks were gaunt, skin sallow and eyes sunk, rimmed with bags. His handsome mouth was set to a hard line, as if it had been a long time since he'd smiled.

"What's he doing?" Dick asked, disgust coating his voice. "He looks terrible."

"And why shouldn't he?" Donna replied, obviously wanting to see what Dick would think of her brush off.

"What does that mean? He shouldn't take care of himself?"

She considered this. "He does enough, I suppose. Obviously his body is in good enough shape to keep up what he's doing every night, even with the lack of sleep and food."

Before Dick could ask a question, Alfred Pennyworth came down the stairs. "I have your coffee, Master Bruce." The young man blinked in surprise; he didn't think he'd ever heard the old English butler sound so cold.

He took the mug, chugging the hot, black liquid down before eyeing the plates scornfully. "Christmas cookies, Alfred? I thought I told you we were ignoring the excuse for the psychopaths of Gotham to act worse."

The servant turned up his nose. "Well, I thought for once you might want to actually ingest something besides caffeine. I guess I was wrong." With no further word, he walked back upstairs.

"C'mon, Bruce, what's wrong with you?" Dick insisted. "Alfred's cookies are the best! Why are you acting like such a bastard!"

"Why shouldn't he?" Donna repeated.

The young man glared at her. "He's..he's…God, he's practically killing himself!"

"And why not?" The angel shrugged. "He has no one to live for."

Dick was blown away by the answer. "What are you saying? He has tons of things to live for! All the promises to himself, his destiny as a savior, and everything he's worked for, and—"

"And he has no _one_ to live for."

"Th-that's not true! There's Alfred and…and all his friends…all the friends that he always called phonies," Dick said quietly.

"And all the thankless people that he saves day in and day out, correct?" she added.

"He doesn't do it for the thanks!" he screamed. "He does it for-"

She silenced him with a raised hand. "For the hope that one day the people he cares about will have safe streets to wander. For a boy that he saw himself in and selflessly took into his home because there was someone there who understood the need to justice, understood _him._ With you gone, he doesn't have that.

"Even if he gave up being Batman, Bruce always had you to worry about. He cared about you. Knowing that there was someone at home who needed him to take care of them—not Batman, but Bruce—it helped push him along every day. You brought joy and innocence to a place that had lost it long ago. Without you…" she glanced at the man who threw the ceramic mug across the room in frustration, "Well, you see."

Dick looked on in disgust. "I don't have to watch this anymore." Now that he realized that he didn't have to worry about the parameters of having a real body, he marched through the house to the street, crunching angrily through the browned snow.

It was several minutes before he realized that she was following him. Dick looked around, realizing he was in the Narrows. "What…? I didn't mean to get here."

"No," Donna agreed. "But I did."

He took a moment to glare at her, then continued until something—someone—caught his eye. "No…no, it couldn't be. Jason?"

The boy was a few years younger than himself, hanging with others several years older than him and smoking a cigarette. "That is him. It's Jason! He's alive." Dick couldn't keep the relief out of his voice. "I can't believe it." He suddenly noticed that Donna wasn't saying anything; from what he'd learned so far, that was a bad sign.

Dick saw the car coming. The other boys did not. Dick saw the hand hold out the gun through the window. The boys did not. "Jay! Jay look out!"

Dick saw the blood spurt from their body as all three fell down with anguished cries.

"Jason!" Taking off at a dead sprint, he reached his young friend in but a moment. While the others were merely wounded, he noticed right away that Jason had taken one to the heart and was already gone. "Oh, god, Jay…" Dick felt Donna's presence behind him and glared at her in contempt. "Is this what you wanted me to see? That whether or not I'm alive, Jason still dies!"

She sank to the bloody snow next to him. "Oh, no, honey. Oh, no. I wanted you to realize how sad a death could befall him. Getting mercilessly shot down because he decided to stand on a street corner."

"Yes, because being blown up by the Joker is so much better!" Dick spat.

"Jason died as Robin, a hero. But without the first Robin there can be no second. Before he had a chance to realize that there can be people who love him before he died; that he could have made something of himself! That there are people, people like you who actually care." She took a long, shuddering breath. "Now he's just another statistic, another street rat shot for being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Shut up!" Dick ordered. "He wasn't like that! Maybe…maybe he could be a little rough around the edges, but Jason was a good kid. He wanted to help and to do what's right. He was smart and funny and…he…he was my brother." He hung his head over the body, letting his salty tears mix with the blood.

Without protesting, Dick leaned against Donna as she held him to her, stroking a comforting hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Jay. God, I'm so sorry. I should have been better. I could have done better. I should have been there for you, been a better big brother because I could have been! I was angry and I took it out on you, but dammit you didn't deserve that. You deserve so much better than me, than this. I'm sorry, bro, I'm so sorry…"

There was another light jerk, and while the scene faded away, the tears did not.

* * *

A/N: There is going to be at least one more chapter, but I don't think it's as angsty as this one, though that could be up for debate. I did warn you, after all. But I hope you liked it anyway. Oh, and this was posted very early in the morning with no editting, so please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes. If there are a lot, let me know in a review and I'll replace it with a better copy.

Questions, comments, reactions and reviews are greatly appreciated.


	2. In the Dark of the Night

A/N: Just a quick note to let you know that this is set anytime between Titans East and Birthmark.

* * *

When Dick opened his eyes again, he didn't see the blood-soaked ground but instead fluffy white snow. "Where are we?" he whispered, wiping the remaining tears off his face. 

"Long Island," Donna answered, standing up and offering him a hand.

He took it, preparing for the jerk of travel, but she just pulled him to his feet. Brushing the excess snow off his costume, Dick got a good look around, eyes spying a house that looked like it could have been the whole of Rhode Island. "Whoa…and I thought the Manor was big. This place is like a country within itself."

"The kitchen and bathroom are in different time zones," she joked lightly.

That got him to laugh. "What are we doing here?"

"You know someone that lives here." Her hand pointed out in front of them, to someone in the snow.

It was a small green rabbit hopping through the drifts that suddenly turned into a tiger and ran what seemed to be a small obstacle course. Upon completing it, the tiger morphed into a human, though equally green. "Oh, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy, you're the man, oh yeah! New record, all right!" He did a celebratory dance there in the snow and Dick couldn't help but smile.

"Beast Boy lives here?" He raised an eyebrow. "Never would have guessed that. Doesn't seem too terrible."

A small, sad smile appeared on her face. "Keep watching."

"Stop saying that. I don't like it when you say that. It means something bad is going to happen." He watched Donna as she sighed lightly and reached for his hand. Again, it wasn't to take him anywhere else, but for comfort. Maybe for him, maybe for both of them. Yet he couldn't help feeling better as her fingers threaded through his.

Someone cleared his or her throat from near the house. They turned to look and after years of being the child of a socialite, Dick knew this man was the butler. There was nothing comforting about him and he also knew that this man wasn't Alfred. "Master Logan," he said, "It's time for dinner. The sun set several hours ago, you should have come inside."

"Aww, don't be like that, Questor!" the green teenager begged, but walked towards him. "It's Christmas Eve."

"Yes, well, as true as that may be, you need to come inside before dinner gets as cold as it is out there." The pair went inside the house where Beast Boy changed into a dog, shaking off the excess water from his fur. "Lovely," the butler rolled his eyes. "I spoke with Master Dayton."

Beast Boy changed back to his human form, a large smile on his face. "He and Rita are coming home for Christmas? She said that she wasn't sure, but that she'd do her best because she really missed me too! I've been practicing so hard, I was hoping I could show Mento what I could really do and he'd let me back on the Doom Patrol, and—"eHe tHe

"They won't be able to make it," Questor continued. "It may even be a few more days till they can get back."

The green man looked devastated as he struggled to find words. "O…oh…I, well, yeah, they're really busy this time of year. People need the Doom Patrol. But I'm sure she tried…Rita always tries."

Dick watched as Beast Boy stared at the floor in sorrow. "Dayton? Does he mean Steve Dayton? As in, the fifth-richest man in the world?"

Donna nodded. "He's Mento of the Doom Patrol. And here I thought you knew everything."

He glared lightly at her. "I just can't believe that Beast Boy is Steve Dayton's son. Why does he keep asking me for a moped? Dayton has, what, $80 billion?"

"The same reason you never ask your billionaire daddy for anything. And he's his adopted son, actually. He was adopted by Dayton's wife, Rita Farr. Garfield and Dayton got each other by association," she explained.

"Rita Farr?" Dick contemplated the name as they followed Beast Boy through the house. "So, she must be Elasti-Girl."

She blinked in surprise. "Yeah, that's right."

He smirked. "See, I do know everything. Except I didn't know his name. Heh, Garfield?"

"Yeah, ok, _Dick_," Donna rolled her eyes. "Come on." The entered the dining room. The large table had ten chairs around it, but could easily fit more. There was one plate and Gar sat at that setting. He seemed very small in such a big room.

As he watched Gar push away the slices of ham and concentrate on the mashed potatoes, Dick couldn't help but comment. "This is depressing."

Garfield echoed his thoughts with a loud sigh, setting down his silverware. "You know, Quest, I'm not really hungry." He pushed back from the table, leaving the cloth napkin on his chair.

"It's going to get cold, Master Logan," the butler reminded him.

"Yeah, well, that's why they invented microwaves, isn't it?" Sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he shuffled into the next room where there was a ten-foot-tall Christmas tree, the floor surrounding it covered in a mountain of gifts.

Questor looked a bit sad for his young charge. "You know, I won't tell if you want to open one of your gifts now."

Gar picked up one of the presents, reading the tag: To Gar, Love Rita. She had even drawn a little heart. "Nah, I don't really feel like it right now." He sat down in one of the large couches, watching the snow fall outside.

The butler looked as if he was going to say something, but we interrupted by the phone. A minute later, he came back into the room. "It's for you, Master Logan. I'll put it on speaker phone."

He placed it in the cradle and then there was a feminine voice. "Gar, honey?"

"Mom!" Garfield bounded up out of his seat, staring at the handset as if he could see her face.

"Hi, sweetheart," Rita said pleasantly. "I'm sorry that we couldn't make it home for Christmas Eve."

Though she couldn't see it, Gar shook his head, "No, it's not your fault. Do you think you could make it home tomorrow? We can spend Christmas together."

She sighed. "I…I don't think that's going to be possible, Gar. I'll do my best to get home as soon as possible. You're going to be good for Questor, right?"

"Of course, Mom," he grinned. "Quest and I are old buddies."

Rita laughed. "Alright, I guess I'll take your word for it."

Suddenly there was an explosion in the background and a male voice calling, "Rita, get off the damn phone!"

"Steve, I'm talking to Gar!" she shouted back.

"The fucking kid doesn't matter right now, we need you over here!" Gar visibly flinched at Mento's angry tone.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow," Rita promised. "Merry Christmas and I love you."

"Be careful!" He managed to say before the dial tone reached his ears. "And I love you too…" Gar picked up the handset and pushed the off button before throwing it against the wall in frustration, watching it shatter into several pieces. He brushed off the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

Dick clenched his fists. "Dayton's an asshole!"

Donna nodded. "He and Gar tolerate each other, but he adores Rita, as much as he did his birth mother. I bet Bruce is looking pretty good right now."

"Yeah, he is," Dick longed to reach out and give his new little brother a hug as Garfield sunk into one of the overstuffed armchairs, giving way to his sobs. "I'm sorry, Gar. Donna, can we leave?"

She reached for him and in a moment they were somewhere else entirely…

* * *

Dick immediately knew that he wasn't at the million-dollar estate anymore. He recognized the area though. "This is Cooper City, it's like a few miles away from Jump. Who do I know here?" 

She pointed to a tall, largely built man who walked along with a slouch, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head. "I think you can guess who that is."

"Cyborg?" He followed him up the steps of a brownstone. The inside was cluttered with metal parts, as well as what seemed like blueprints for complex mechanics.

"Victor, is that you?" a male voice called, poking his head out of what seemed to be the kitchen. "Where have you been?"

"Just out for a walk," Victor grumbled from beneath the hood. "What do you care?"

The man sighed. "I'm your father, Vic. Of course I care."

Victor moved some papers out of the way to sit on the couch, grumbling to himself. "Care enough to make me a monster." He held up his hands, looking at the metal where flesh used to be.

"I just thought you should know that I have to go into work tomorrow," he explained to his son, stuffing papers and parts into a titanium briefcase.

"Tomorrow's Christmas," Vic noted. "So of course you're going into work. Silas Stone, the world's greatest workaholic. King of putting everything else before family."

Silas slammed the case against the kitchen counter. "Dammit, boy, the work I do is important!"

"I know that!" Vic stood up angrily. "I know that you think it's the most god damned important think that ever existed. More important than your son, than your wife! Important enough to you your own flesh and blood as a guinea pig over and over again."

He pointed his finger at his teenage son. "Listen here, Victor. I won't have you disrespecting me like that."

"I hate you. It should have been you," Cyborg hissed. "You should have died instead of her."

This stopped Silas in his tracks, giving Victor enough time to run back out the front door, slamming it so hard behind him that it almost fell off it's hinges. Dick and Donna followed as Vic made his way down the street, pulling gloves over his mechanical hands to hide them.

He stopped at a nearby flower stand, pulling his face deep into the hood. "Can I get a bouquet of pink roses?" he asked the woman, putting some bills on the counter.

She picked up one and handed it to him with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, you too."

"Where's he going?" Dick asked Donna. "He never mentioned a girlfriend. And if you say 'Just watch' I'll leave you right now."

She smiled and said nothing, just grabbed his hand and pulled him along. They approached the Cooper City Cemetery, watching as Victor intuitively weaved his way along the path.

"Hey, Mom," he greeted the tombstone when he finally stopped. The gloved hand ran across the words, reading: Elinore Stone, Beloved Wife and Mother. "Merry Christmas. I knew Dad wasn't goin' to come, but I thought you deserved a visitor. And pink roses were always your favorite."

Victor sighed. "I don't know how you stayed married to him for so long. Maybe it was because ya'll were so interested in everything. Especially your work and making sure I was the best. I tried, Ma, I really did. And…if it wasn't for that stupid accident I wouldn't be here.

"Not that I blame you. There isn't a day goes by when I don't think of how I could have saved you and I didn't. If you were here, then maybe everything I am…everything I've become would have been worth it." Victor pushed his hood down, almost as if he felt bad talking to his mother that way. "But I can't stand being with him anymore. If I was still me, then I could be on my way to the Olympics or Harvard.

"No one will take the freak though. I've got nowhere else to go. I don't understand why he did it," Vic swallowed to get the lump out of his throat. "Was it just so I could be a test dummy for his stupid experiments again? He can't have wanted me. He should have known I wouldn't want to be this useless lump of scrap metal." He wiped a tear rolling down the human side of his cheek. "Why couldn't he have just let me die!"

Donna put a hand on Dick's shoulder, leading him away. "I think he deserves to be alone."

They walked out of the graveyard in silence. "What happened to Cy's mom?"

"Both of his parents were research scientists for S.T.A.R Labs. They were looking in to a long-range inter-dimensional study when his father let a blob-creature into the lab and it attacked his mother. Vic tried to save her, but she died and he lost most of his body in the process," she explained.

"So his father replaced it with the bionic parts," he finished.

Donna nodded. "He and his father were never particularly close, but after Elinore died…Well, with the Titans he found people he didn't have to hide with and a place that would get him away from Silas."

Dick considered this for a long moment. "So, aren't you going to do your angel thing and take us away from this?"

"Actually, our next visit is right around the corner." Indeed, they turned the corner and someone familiar caught his eye.

"Raven! What is she doing here? Are we following her too?" Dick tried to focus on her as she hid in the shadows.

She shook her head. "We can't get too good of a focus on her. She likes to run."

"She looks scared," he noted, watching her. "But what of?"

"You would have found out eventually," Donna told him.

Dick walked across the street towards her, but she was already gone by the time he got there. But something else he saw froze his heart. He read the headline of the newspaper aloud. "'Jump City in Discussion with Terminator'?" His eyes scanned as much of the article as he could read.

_The mayor of Jump City, our neighbor to the north, is under discussion for the liberation of the city from Deathstroke the Terminator. Deathstroke, who we've also come to known as Slade Wilson, took over the city late last month along with his assistant, a meta-human known only as Terra and another terrorist called The Ravager. _

There was a large picture before the paper was folded, the rest of the article out of sight. "Slade took over my city," he realized breathlessly. "But…how?"

"Without the Titans, Jump had no protection. Other heroes are more interested in their own cities." Donna held out a hand to him. "Time to go."

Wordlessly, he took her hand and the images of his city's destruction disappeared.

* * *

The house in front of then was familiar. He'd seen it on T.V. before. "This is Oliver Queen's house. The Green Arrow lives here." 

"Then I guess you know who we're here to see," she walked inside, leading him to the living room where Green Arrow, Black Canary and a Green Lantern were standing around a redheaded teenager.

"We'll be back as soon as possible. If you get any more hints to the location of that drug ring, feel free to investigate," Green Arrow told him. "And no parties."

"And be careful," Hal Jordan added.

Black Canary leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Merry Christmas, Roy."

"You two, Di," he smiled.

The men were turning towards the door. "Let's go, Dinah," Oliver called.

"I'm coming," she rolled her eyes, gave Roy a wink, then followed the men outside, blonde ponytail bouncing behind her.

Roy waited until the door shut before flipping it off. "No parties my ass. Screw you, Queen." He marched up the stairs of the mansion. "I don't have to invite a lot of people over to have a party."

"I heard that Green Arrow and Speedy didn't always get along," Dick muttered. "Especially since he began dating Dinah Lance. I wasn't aware that Roy was this hostile."

Donna sighed. "No one else is either. He's generally so good-natured that people don't notice or the chalk it up to a bad day. Roy doesn't like being ignored though."

Dick snorted. "I can understand that. Bruce and I…we never got this bad, at least not while we were living in the same house. He always said that Queen was one of the most irresponsible men he'd ever met. What good excuse does he have to leave Roy alone on Christmas?"

"He, Black Canary and Green Lantern are looking into some corruption in city hall."

"That shouldn't take too long," he shrugged. "They'll be back by Christmas."

Donna sighed. "No, they won't. Afterwards, Oliver booked a cabin in Tahoe for the weekend, to apologize to Dinah for cheating on her last week."

Dick shook his head. "All the things I heard about Oliver, I always thought that was just Bruce. He really can be a jackass though, can't he? Lemme guess, Roy's gonna get back at him with a big party or something. Well, he deserves it."

"Don't say that," she pleaded with him. "Take it back."

"Um, ok, I take it back. What's the big deal?"

She didn't say anything, just walked into Roy's room. He rubbed his hands together and got on his knees to look under his bed. "C'mere, you."

Dick smirked. "He's got a girl under there, doesn't he?"

Roy slid out with a box in hand. There was a slick grin on his face as he sat as his desk and opened it, sliding out a needle. "Hello, friend."

"That's…that's…is that drugs?"

"Heroin, to be specific," Donna whispered, unable to draw her eyes away.

"He's not investigating a drug ring, is he?"

She shook her head. "No."

Dick watched as Roy opened an alcohol swab and cleaned off the needed. "Roy, you idiot!" He tried to hit the young man, but his hand went right there him. "How could you! You know how dangerous drugs are, how stupid!" He wanted to throw something, to do anything to make him stop.

"He can't hear you," Donna rasped. "Oh, I wish he could, but he can't."

"Why?" He looked at Donna, unable to stare at Roy without feeling sick to his stomach. "With so many things going for him…why?"

Donna squeezed Dick's arm, rubbing it comfortingly. "He's alone. Oliver ignores him, and he thinks that drugs can be a substitute for the friend he's lost. When there were Titans, he saw that as a beacon of hope. If things ever got so bad, there were teenagers like him who would help. He knew as much about you as you knew about him after all. But the thing is, you and Batman, you paved the way for sidekicks. Without the dynamic duo as a sign to keep to it and it'll work, the Green Arrow pushed him aside for the blonde in fishnets."

"But Roy…he's so great at what he does. He's a good hero and if he didn't want that, he'd be a shoe in for the Olympics!" Dick insisted.

"I know that," she nodded. "And if you existed, you could tell him that. Let's go."

Dick was never happier to leave any place in the world.

* * *

"So…where are the rest of Titans East?" He asked when they arrived at their next destination, a city unknown to him. 

"Aqualad is being kept in Atlantis by Aquaman, Bumblebee ended up joining the Hive, and Mas y Menos are in South America," she explained.

He nodded. "So we're not here to see any of them…who are we here to see?"

"Who do you think we're here to see?"

There was one person that he cared about that had not yet been shown to him and he looked out for a flash of bright red hair. Instead, the first he saw were bright green starbolts being thrown at police officers. "Rok'thar! X'hal us metrin!"

"Starfire," he choked out, watching as she flew past him, dodging gunfire. "What are they doing to her?"

"She's still running from the Gordanians. The lizard men," she clarified. "The President ordered all law enforcement officers to help them capture her."

He couldn't keep his eyes off her. "It's been a long time. But she never gives up, does she?"

Starfire caused a cop car to blow up, using the smoke created to hide in a nearby alley. She paused, panting for breath. "Xankar hwolfan den…"

"She won't be able to last for much longer," Donna told him softly. "It's been a long time and even she can't live running on such little food. Her transformation has already been delayed because her body wouldn't be able to handle it; it would kill her."

Dick managed to pull his eyes away from the alien to look at his angel. "What will happen to her?"

Donna sighed. "Her father sold her to the Gordanians as a slave so they would spare her planet."

"What…what kind of slave?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "She's not just attractive to Earth men. What kind of slave do you think?"

His heart hurt as he stared at her. The officers saw her in the alley and she dodged their guns, shooting starbolts at them. One hit as she screamed out curses in Tamaranean. "Starfire!" he screamed, wanting to help her, to comfort her.

After taking out a nice chunk of a nearby building with her strength, Starfire was able to fly away, using the sun to blind them from looking after her. Dick closed his eyes. "What do I do? If I exist, I hurt my friends and innocent people. Either I screw up or the world does."

"You're not a screw up!" Donna insisted. She held his head in her hands, making him look at her. "You're strong, and unselfish, and utterly kind. Dick, you are an amazing person."

He smirked. "You have to say that. You're my guardian angel."

Her hands slipped off his face to rest on his shoulders as she laughed. "For such a good detective you are completely clueless sometimes. We get to choose whom we take care of. I want you to be happy. But I know that you can't be happy if you let your friends live like this. So tell me what you want."

"I…" Dick sighed. "I want to exist. I want to be able to help the people I love."

"Good," she smiled, taking her hand off his shoulder and holding it out for him.

He eyed it suspiciously before blue eyes met blue eyes. "I'm never going to see you again, am I?"

"I doubt it," she answered sadly. "But you know I'll always be there when you need me."

Dick considered this, then leaned in an kissed her lightly. "Thank you. For everything you've ever done for me."

She grinned at him. "It was my pleasure." Pressing her lips to his, the joined hands and disappeared.

The next time Dick opened his eyes he was alone.

* * *

A/N: Here's the second chapter. The third one will be up before Sunday, since the contest ends Saturday night. Any reviews help me win, so I'd love to hear anything you have to say. 

Questions, comments, reactions and reviews are greatly appreciated.


	3. Don't You Forget About Me

Dick looked around, realizing he was on the plateau back in Jump City. "Donna?" he looked around for the dark-haired angel. "Where did you go?" His hand was cold and his heart was slightly empty; she was gone. He pulled his mask out of her utility belt, slipping it over his eyes.

"Robin!" A strong body wrapped itself around him, hugging hard.

"Starfire…" he knew her embrace anywhere and hugged back, burying his face into her hair. "Oh, thank god…"

He felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to see Beast Boy smiling at him. "We were worried about you, dude! Why'd you run off like that?"

Dick reached to the back of his head where it had slammed into the brick of the building; there was no evidence that a wound had ever been there. "I guess I just got dizzy and wandered off. But why were you searching for me after what happened?"

"Man, Raven was able to contain the blast," Cyborg told him. "You got the brunt of it, but no one else got hurt."

A black aura surrounded him as Raven checked over his body. "We saw some blood leading away from where you were hurt, but you seem fine…"

"It, um, wasn't as bad as it seemed," he sighed. "I'm…I'm just glad no one was hurt. I thought I had ruined everything."

"Oh, Robin, no! You were only trying to help," Starfire looked at him anxiously. "But please, may we return home now?"

He smiled at her. There was nothing else he wanted at the moment. "Yeah, I've just got to get the R-cycle." Pulling the key out of his utility belt, he pondered them for a second before tossing them to Beast Boy. "It's probably not a good idea for me to be on the road right now. I'm still a little dizzy. Mind bringing it in for me?"

The green man gaped openly. "I, well, yeah! Of course! I'm on it!" He turned into a bird, key in his mouth as he flew towards town center.

Starfire took that as her cue to scoop him up and fly off. There was a serene smile on his face as he saw the Tower in the distance. Waves of exhaustion washed over him. Feeling completely secure in her grasp, Dick allowed his eyes to close.

* * *

Apparently he'd fallen asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes was the next morning in his room. A glance at the clock told him it was half-past nine. There were voices out in the common room, including Cyborg telling Beast Boy that they were waiting until Robin waited up. Dick knew that Gar didn't have that much patience, but there was something he had to do first. 

Crawling out of bed, he opened one of his dresser drawers, fumbling in the back for something. It was a cell phone, one he hadn't used for a long time. As it started up, he wondered if it was still being paid for. There was a dial tone though, and he punched in the familiar number.

It was answered after two rings. "Wayne Manor," the familiar voice announced. "May I ask who is calling?"

"Hey, Alfred, it's me."

"Master Dick!" his old butler sounded happily surprised. "Well, if this isn't a delightful Christmas gift, I'm not sure what is. How are you?"

Dick grinned; at least he knew there would always be someone in Gotham who was happy to hear from him. "I'm doing well, actually. I just called to wish the two of you merry Christmas."

"And a very merry Christmas too you too, sir. Master Bruce just sat down to breakfast, but I think this is an appropriate reason to interrupt him. One moment."

He waited until the deep voice greeted him. "Dick?"

Taking a deep breath, he said, "Hi, Bruce. Merry Christmas. I hope I'm not keeping you from breakfast."

"No, it's ok. Merry Christmas to you too. Is everything…alright, son?" He sounded concerned.

Dick smiled a little bit at the term of endearment. "Actually, everything's going pretty good. I just called because, well, Christmas is supposed to be a time for family, isn't it?"

There was silence for a moment. "You're right, it is. We have some Christmas presents here for you. I can send them to you if you'd like."

He considered this. "Bruce, would you mind if I came to get them in person?"

"You want to come get them?" He tried not to get a sick pleasure from surprising the Batman. "No, of course we wouldn't mind." There was some background noise. "Alfred just reminded me that I've been forced into throwing a New Year's Eve party. I'd like it if you can come."

"The Titans can get along without me for one night," he smiled against the mouthpiece. "It sounds like fun. I haven't seen my friends in Gotham for a while. And I miss Alfred's cooking."

That got Bruce to chuckle. "Yes, well, there's none better in the world. You won't be the only teenager here though, for once. Barbara's coming, as usual, as well as some other people you might know. Oh, and Wonder Woman's bringing her little sister, Donna."

"Excuse me?" Dick coughed.

"What? That Diana's bringing her sister, Donna? I thought it would be all right if I invited the Princess to the party this year and she's now mentoring her sister. She's your age. Very sweet girl, I think you'll like her."

"That, um, that sounds good. I guess I'll see you then," Dick ran a hand through his hair.

He could almost see Bruce nodding on the other side of the line, a plate of forgotten pancakes—the traditional Christmas breakfast—in front of him. "The party doesn't start until eight, but feel free to show up whenever you get a break from work."

"Will do," he smiled lightly. "Bye, Bruce."

"Good bye, Dick."

The phone flipped closed in his grasp, a light smile on his face. For the life of him, Dick couldn't remember the last time he and Bruce had had such a good conversation. It felt good though, and he was determined to have more of them.

Before he could think about it anymore, his door slid open. "Robin?" Starfire poked her head in hesitantly.

"Hi, Starfire," he smiled at her, a sense of relief filling him. He had almost expected her to start speaking Tamaranean for a moment.

"Beast Boy was wondering if you would come join us. It is Christmas!" She smiled joyfully.

A grin spread over his face, her energy being infectious. "I was just coming out." Setting the phone on the table, he followed her out towards the Great Room.

"Hey, Merry Christmas, man!" Cyborg greeted him. "I was just about to make breakfast. Anything special you want?"

"Kind of have a craving for pancakes," he decided. "Merry Christmas."

Beast Boy looked distraught. "Dude! I thought we were opening presents!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "You can wait until we eat."

"But…the presents!" His eyes fell on the large tree, several gifts underneath it.

"Maybe if you helped for once, we'd be able to eat quicker," Cyborg pointed out, beginning to mix up batter for the pancakes.

The green man considered this. "Ok, I'll start making the tofu bacon."

He froze mid-stir. "Actually, never mind, stay out of my kitchen."

Dick couldn't keep the smile off his face as he and his friends sat down for breakfast. Cyborg had whipped up some light, fluffy pancakes—including chocolate chip ones to shut Beast Boy up—along with bacon, sausage, fruit and the holiday tradition of eggnog.

"Now can we open presents?" Beast Boy asked, rubbing his fully stomach.

"Oh, yes, may we open the gifts of the Christmas?" Starfire begged, clasping her hands together eagerly.

Dick stood up, wiping his mouth on a napkin. "You guys go ahead, I'll clean up."

Raven and Cyborg exchanged a look before joining their friends underneath the tree. He really didn't care what he got—being the son of a rich billionaire that he was now talking to did have its perks—but watching everyone else's face light up made his day.

When he had finally finished with the dishes, the large screen of their TV flashed to life. "Merry Christmas, Titans!" Bumblebee greeted them. "Feliz navidad!" the twins added.

They chorused back as Aqualad waved. "So, everyone get what they wanted?"

"I still didn't get a moped," Beast Boy pouted.

Raven noticed something in the background of the screen. "What's up with Speedy?" The redheaded archer was sitting on the couch, staring dazedly at the ceiling.

Aqualad rolled his eyes. "A girl. He's been like that since he met her."

Speedy snapped out of his trance. "Not just any girl. The most beautiful girl in the world."

"I'll give you that," the swimmer shrugged. "She is pretty."

"And what girl is this?" Dick asked, eyes running over Roy's arms, looking for any punctures.

He grinned wickedly before rambling on, "Her name's Donna, I met her with Green Arrow the other day, she's Wonder Woman's little sister. I mean, Wonder Woman herself is hot, but the big three won't let anyone near her." He glared at Aqualad for a second. "But she's new to Man's World so Wondy is giving her some room to breathe. It's too bad you're not going to the New Year's party, you'd get to meet her." As he stopped for a breath, Roy realized something. "Oh, man, Ollie told me not to mention that!"

Before he could go off on another tangent, Dick lifted up his hand in a signal to stop. "I'll be at the party."

Everyone turned to look at him. Roy blinked. "Oh. Well, ok then. I'll see you there."

"Now that you've finally done your rant about Wonder Girl for today, you might shutting up?" Bee requested. "We all know she's nice and sweet and gorgeous but we're really pretty sick of it."

"If you keep acting like that I'm not going to give you your present," Speedy told her, holding up a box wrapped and topped with a bow.

His team leader looked insulted. "Hey, now, that's not fair!"

As the two argued, Aqualad rolled his eyes. "Well, we just wanted to say hi. You guys probably have some things to do, so we'll see you later."

"Adios!" Mas y Menos chimed as the screen went black.

"What party are you going to, Robbie?" Cyborg asked, picking up some of the unwrapped paper.

"Actually, Batman's throwing a party," he explained.

Beast Boy scratched his head. "Wait, I'm lost. I thought you and the Bat called it splitsville?"

He shrugged. "We talked and made up, I guess. He invited me to his party. I hope you guys don't mind if I take a night off."

They murmured their consent and it took a few minutes before Starfire voiced what they were all wondering. "Robin, you…you will not leave us to go partner with the Batman again, will you?"

Dick blinked in surprise. "What? No, no, of course not! The thought didn't even cross my mind. This is my team and my home now. I'm not going anywhere."

They spent the rest of the day doing some pr. After visiting the children's hospital, Dick made a special visit to the orphans that had been in the square the night before. Each kid had dog-piled him for a thank you.

For once there was nothing wrong with his city. Later on in the day, he relaxed on the roof, thinking of everything he had seen the night before. It had broken his heart and there was a feeling relief knowing everything was back to the way it was supposed to be.

As he continued to watch the sunset, Starfire looked over him, matching his eyes underneath the mask. "Oh, hey, Star." Dick hopped up. "What's going on?"

"I am not sure," she admitted. "Beast Boy told me to come hold this over your head, but I do not know what it is."

Her arm stretched above his spikes and Dick looked up to see what it was. To his surprise, she was holding a piece of mistletoe. "Um, well, it's kind of a Christmas tradition."

"Oh?" she cocked her head to the side curiously.

"Yeah. You're…you're supposed to do this." He leaned up, pressing his lips to hers softly.

When he pulled away, a blush was spread over her cheeks. "Oh…I believe I shall like this tradition." They kissed again, continuing to do so until Cyborg poked his head up.

"Excuse me for interrupting," he cleared his throat, "but the movies starting."

"We'll be right there," Dick promised, running a hand through his hair. Cyborg made a disbelieving noise before going downstairs. They followed a minute later, setting in the last open space on the couch.

Starfire leaned inconspicuously against his side. "What is it that we are watching?"

"It's A Wonderful Life," Raven answered as Dick's arm wrapped around the alien beauty.

Dick looked around at his friends, soaking in the knowledge that they were safe and they cared about him and he finally had his father back. An extra star twinkled in the night sky above them. "Yes, it is."

* * *

A/N: Happy holidays and happy New Year to everyone! 

Questions, comments, reactions and reviews are greatly appreciated.


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